I Wouldn't Mind A Feel Of Her Phreatic Surface

Good news! The water table in our little street has risen due to the wet smothering that we've been fortunate enough to endure these last couple of days. And joy joy! A little spring has sprung – can you guess where? That's right, in my basement, which as vistors to Chez Gosins will know, is also my den with tools and instruments and nice things in like that. So we have oodles of lovely water streaming through my den, to the door and outside, where all the little molecule bits of water get together and form a pond! Which then rises, and rises, and nearly reaches the door where it would continue to rise inside my house! The only reason it doesn't quite manage it, is because I've been filling up buckets all day, and chucking them over the wall. All. Sodding. Day. With a hangover too.

Oh! Oh Oh Agatha! You'll never guess what?! You know that I'm getting my piano. Yes – the one that I learn't on, the best piano in the world, my birthright and inheritance, yes that piano! Well, I've got it – yes, it's in my den now, raised off the floor using four house bricks to avoid all that lovely, rot-encouraging water lapping it's way up my piano. Yes Agatha, it's playing beautifully, I think I will always play in future whilst aquaplaning. Oh, and you'll never guess the final coup de grace. When did I have it delivered, all the way from my Nan's in Coalvile to my den-on-sea? Yesterday.

Petros 'It's a-longa fucking night-a head' Pisco